We’ve been DVRing a lot of Iron Chef lately. Not just the new American version hosted by notable knowitall of noshables Alton Brown (and “chaired” by martial arts prodigy and all-round moke Mark Dacascos–listen to the way he slushes certain fricatives in words like “history” and “strategy” if you doubt his blala status), which we watch religiously, but the classic Fuji Television import being graciously rerun on Food Network. So luxurious! 😀

For no particular reason, I seem to have a soft spot for Iron Chef Italian Masahiko Kobe. I find myself defending him in absentia against the disses of our housemate. Shawn thinks of him as a total loser (he does have the worst win-to-loss ratio on the program), a vestigial organ of the show. Kind of like Jai Rodriguez on Queer Eye. (I also think this is kind of mean….but true.)

My feeling is that Kobe, being the youngest and least experienced Iron Chef, is of course going to lose more often than his colleagues. But that’s not the whole of it. I think I feel sort of protective of him. He always looks so fresh-faced and earnest, rising solo on his little hydraulic dais to the pantomimed bowing of a quartet of violins. Fresh-faced, earnest, and yes, in all likelihood doomed. But game nonetheless.

Something about the whole package struck me a few weeks ago, and I began adding my own voiceover to that of the actor playing announcer Kenji Fukui during the show’s intro:

“Iron Chef Japanese is Masaharu Morimoto.
Iron Chef French is Hiroyuki Sakai.
Iron Chef Chinese is Chen Kenichi.
And Masahiko Kobe, as The Beaver!”

Say it along with Fukui just once, in that jocular “Leave It To Beaver” announcer tone, chances are good that you’ll never get it out of your head. 😉