Illiteracy Can Be Fun!

Uncle AndrewUncle Andrew
Filed under: @ 8:01 am

I’ve not been paying much attention to the Olympics. I guess the scales finally fell from my eyes a few iterations ago and I can now only see this august event as a rich nutrient bath for corruption, graft, contrivance and unfettered, culture-obliterating supercommerce. I’m not a fan of any of the sports being showcased, hate the sound of sports announcers, and mistakenly called that Phelps guy “Brian” for the last month (in fact, I had to Google his name just now to make sure I got it wrong).

None of this is to say that I am more enlightened or evolved than my fellow citizens who avidly pursue the Olympics. Anyone who spends his idle time watching DVRed episodes of Iron Chef America has little right to critique the televisual pursuits of others. I just don’t happen to care for sports broadcasting, no matter how impressively orchestrated. ‘S my problem, I’ll deal with it. But of course I am not immune to the fallout that inevitably comes from a spectacle as large and bombastic as this, and something in today’s news managed to catch my eye and tickle my funnybone. Which resulted in my funnybone getting lodged in my eye; a situation that took a trip to the ER to resolve (no, not really, calm down, Dad!).

It seems that the US Women’s Water Polo team won a crucial victory against Australia today, which means they will be facing off against the team from the Netherlands in pursuit of the gold medal. Huzzah for them, I say! Kudos! Felicitations! Solicitations, even, but for the fact that I’m married.

But I would just love to know who was the big brain who decided to serenade their victory via the loudspeakers by blasting The Guess Who’s “American Woman”. A brief encapsulation of some of the more relevant lyrics might be in order:

American Woman, said get away
American Woman, listen what I say
Don’t come a hangin’ around my door
Don’t wanna see your face no more
I don’t need your war machines
I don’t need your ghetto scenes
Coloured lights can hypnotize
Sparkle someone else’s eyes
Now Woman, get away from me
American Woman, mama let me be

This reminds me of nothing so much as Reagan’s infamous “Born In The USA” fuckup, which always puts a smile on my face.

Hey whaddayaknow, I found something enjoyable about the Olympics after all!

Seriously, though; good on the US Women’s Water Polo team. Might wanna fire your DJ, though. 😛

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