An Open Letter to the Members of Arachnidae spp. who Enjoy My Pesticide Free Gardens

Would you octipodious little idiots kindly get it through your hydraulic little heads that I am not edible?

I appreciate that you like the dark, cool environs of my garage, but really now!
The bugs are MUCH better, much bigger, sweeter, and far more prolific say…. OUTSIDE IN THE GARDEN than they are in the garage. If you insist upon it, there are plenty of dark cool spaces out there too.

And I’m getting damn tired of walking into your webs when I walk through the garage door into the house, when I try to get into my car, and when I try to do anything anywhere else in the garage.
I appreciate your zeal. I thoroughly appreciate your insectivorous nature when it is applied to, well, insects. I, on the other hand, am H. sapiens and, thusly, NOT ON YOUR MENU.

There are plenty of insects out in the garden, believe me. You’ll be far happier OUT THERE!!

Sincerely,

Don’t make me goosh you!