Redefining “Good Kitty”
Uncle Andrew
I shot this in the parking lot of my local Office Depot this weekend. (For those in our general area who may be in need of a shredder, the OD is having a wicked sale on discontinued shredders. I got a 12-sheet diamond-cut floor model with about five sheets of paper on the odometer for 39 bucks, marked down from a hundred.)
I pulled into a stall and saw the following tableau through the windshield of the car to my left:
In case you can’t quite make it out, that’s a box from Kentucky Fried Chicken on the seat next to that cat.
Now, I don’t care if that little carry-out container is full of nothing but cole slaw, corn on the cob and those wretched chocolate parfaits; I don’t know of any animal not kept in an aquarium that could be trusted alone in a car with a box from The Colonel’s. Even if it’s got nothing foodlike whatsoever in it—gas receipts, or ballpoint pens, or packs of cigarettes—the box itself has to be saturated with enough aerosolized cooking grease and chicken particles to drive a normal cat to utter distraction.
I did carefully scrutinize the cat—as carefully as I could through the windows of a locked car, anyway—and it definitely was breathing. So it would appear to have been neither dead (fresh or taxidermied) nor a convincing mockup—“Kat” with a “K’, so to speak. It could, I suppose, have lost its sense of smell, either through mishap or the machinations of a devious and cruel owner.
Following that particularly paranoid line of reason, the poor little beast might have had its spine severed just below the part that controls respiration, resulting in a quadriplegic quadruped, and the KFC box was just the perpetrator’s way of adding unbearable insult to an already grevious and sadistic injury. Were that the case, I shudder to think what this person might have been procuring in an office supply store, and for what purpose.
All in all, however, I think it much more likely—not to mention more pleasant to contemplate—that this particular critter is simply a master of its own primitive urges, some sort of ascetic super-cat. Felis monasticus.
Whatever the explanation, it made a pretty cool snapshot.
4 Responses to “Redefining “Good Kitty””
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November 11th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Back when Alan was still a police officer and had K-9 partners, the dogs were always trained to never take food from anyone other than Alan or someone from the “circle of trust” which included me, the family, certain friends, and the vet. One time at the Buckley Log Show, Alan parked his patrol car next to the rodeo grounds–engine running for the A/C–with Czar in the back. The rear windows were always partially rolled down for fresh air. So….Alan comes back to the car only to find Czar sitting in the back with a desperate look in his eyes and ropes of drool coming out of his mouth while gazing at several hamburger patties lying on the platform next to him. After determining that the patties were “gifts” from the Buckley volunteer firefighters, Alan gave Czar the go ahead and the patties were instantly devoured. The firemen said it was the darndest thing–Czar could smell the burgers cooking and certainly looked interested, but when they put the patties through the window, he just stared at them and wouldn’t touch them–until Alan came and gave permission. Like 15 minutes later…
Soooo…..maybe that kitty was an undercover DEA agent on a stakeout (steakout?) and had the owners of that car under surveillance. The cat does look rather determined and observant. Did you check the collar for hidden microphones or cameras? You didn’t get too close did you?
November 11th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Ya know, now that you mention it, the car he was sitting in was an anonymous silver-gray domestic sedan; I suppose it’s possible that the cat was a G-Man.
Great story about Czar, BTW. 🙂
November 12th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
And here I was thinking that the cat had just performed a daring driveaway after robbing the local KFC, and was now lying low until the heat was off… 😉
November 13th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Maybe his accomplice is inside using their copy and print service to forge new identities….