I’m smack-dab in the middle of an emergency server build at the moment—our main server had some sort of conniption that we simply could not track down, so I’m trying to put together a new one using a clone of the system drive—but I thought taking a few minutes to relay the following might help to lower my blood pressure. I’m not kidding: I just happened to have an appointment with my GP after four hours of sweating over the remains of our server, and my blood pressure was about 15 points higher than my last appointment two months ago. ❗

So anyway, Margaret and I were watching TV the other night and were treated to the following ad for Excedrin Express Gels, one of the newest offerings in chemical giant Novartis’ ever-expanding line of “aspirin, only pricier” analgesics:

Very exciting. But might I direct your attention, in case you’re not willing to sit through the whole thing, to the bit that really got our attention:

In case your eyes aren’t what they used to be, that word down there in the bottom-left corner of the frame is “Dramatization”. As in, “This animation is a dramatization.” As in, “This product does not actually burst out of the bottle under its own power and soar around on a contrail of scintillating ejecta, farting out bright-white halos of headache-fighting energy throughout your body—or perhaps the Universe—as it goes.”

Which is probably for the best, really; that sure would shoot down any claims of “gentle on your stomach”.

In this, the greatish country on Earth, which is at least perceived to be unduly litigious (people love to talk about the newest crazy-ass lawsuit dreamed up by some greedy wackmobile and his/her overpriced barracuda; you never hear about how many of these lawsuits get laughed out of court by the first judge to hear them), I understand the need for this sort of disclaimer in advertising. “Professional driver on closed course”; “Individual results may vary”; “Do not attempt“; et cetera, et cetera. Companies have to cover their asses, and many of these get-out-of-court-free cards can be quite amusing as well as patronizingly silly.

But for the love of God, come on. Anyone so out of touch with reality that they confuse this advertisement with cinema verité is too bereft of common sense to be let loose around a bottle of aspirin….or a shallow pan of water, for that matter.

Oh Man, I hope I get this server put together sometime before the sun rises….