5/15/2009

Now *this* oughta get some interesting responses

MargaretMargaret
Filed under: @ 8:18 am

Andrew has, on occasion, discussed the odd and/or disgusting, search terms that have gotten people to this blog. Milk and molasses enemas being one of the (shudder) more common.

So this is for all of you milk and molasses enema fans who may come trolling looking for information about milk and molasses enemas.

There is absolutely no information in this post, or any post on this blog to be honest, about milk and molasses enemas…… although they do play a part in the following story.

My place-o-biz is an all girl show. Unless you count our male technician, who is gay, we are all users of various feminine hygiene products. Also most of us, at least most of us who live in households that consist of more than one person, have a small stash of sweets SOMEwhere in the house generally in a location that only we know about.
So we were having a conversation the other day with N. N is a nice gal who lives with her husband, a French Bulldog, and a Mastiff in a relatively small house. N was bemoaning the fact that she not only has to conceal her candy stash from her husband lest he narf down the entire thing, but she now has to conceal her candy stash somewhere her Mastiff can’t find it. There was an incident, N reported, of the loose end of a bag of Cadbury mini-eggs having protruded ever so slightly out of the drawer in which she had concealed it. It wouldn’t have been so bad if N’s husband had found the bag, but as it was the Mastiff found the tail end of the bag peeking out of the closed drawer and, having decided that whatever in the drawer smelled REALLY GOOD, she grabbed the piece of bag in her teeth and used it to open the drawer at which point she found the candy stash and disported herself to a great degree. Not only causing the loss of N’s last bag of Cadbury mini-eggs for the year, but creating some -um- interesting Mastiff sized gastrointestinal side effects.
We were brainstorming with N, trying to help her figure out a place where she could conceal her stash where it would remain unmolested by both her husband and her large and obnoxiously intelligent dog.
Someone suggested that N could hide her stash in her box of tampons. N thought it was a great idea because her husband is so squeamish about feminine hygiene products that he can’t even go into the aisle in the grocery store where they are sold. Then she remembered the dog and realized that the tampon box would not only not provide any protection from the dog, but were the dog to find the candy in the tampon box she’d not only eat the candy but she’d likely chew up the tampons as well which would create further -um- interesting gastrointestinal side effects.

And so the suggestion of keeping the box of tampons with the candy in the freezer. Dog can’t open the freezer and sure as hell can’t smell the candy through the freezer dog. Husband won’t touch the tampon box. Viola! Problem solved!

N: “Won’t my husband think it’s odd that I’m keeping my tampons in the freezer?”
Me: “No problem! Tell the husband that cold tampons are a cure for cramps.”
N: “But he’ll Google it or something and find out that cold tampons aren’t a cure for cramps!”

That’s where the milk and molasses enemas come in. I related that this blog has, more than once, been hit by people using Google search terms for milk and molasses enemas (causing much jaw dropping in my mostly very sheltered coworkers) which lead me to have faith that if N’s husband did even the most rudimentary Google search that he would, somewhere, find a site that would tell him that cold tampons cure cramps.

I do not know whether N moved her stash to the tampon box nor whether her tampon box is currently in the freezer.
But N’s husband, if you hit this site looking to see whether or not cold tampons cure cramps, it’s true. Cold tampons do cure cramps.

4 Responses to “Now *this* oughta get some interesting responses”

  1. Uncle Andrew Says:

    Also most of us, at least most of us who live in households that consist of more than one person, have a small stash of sweets SOMEwhere in the house generally in a location that only we know about.

    If you think I don’t know where you hide your candy, you’re fooling yourself. :twisted:

  2. YakBoy Says:

    I am terrified to even think what the referrer log is going to look like for this post.

    Also, I now want Easter candy…

  3. Margaret Says:

    >>If you think I don’t know where you hide your candy, you’re fooling yourself. :twisted: < <

    Well, yes, I know that you know where I hide my candy, but I also trust that you have the class not to snarf it all down..... Or to leave -um- interesting Mastiff sized gastrointestinal side effects around the house. At least I hope I can trust you not to leave interesting Mastiff sized gastrointestinal side effects around the house. :lol:

    As for wanting Easter candy…. The one best way I know of to decrease one’s passion for anything chocolate or sweet is to have a dog ingest a whole bunch of it and then make them barf it back up. I’ll be off of Girl Scout Thin Mints maybe even for years after this spring’s Girl Scout cookie season. 8O

  4. Uncle Andrew Says:

    I’ll be off of Girl Scout Thin Mints maybe even for years after this spring’s Girl Scout cookie season.

    Can I have yours then?

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