If Only Every “Short Man Syndrome” Moment Ended This Way

Filed under: @ 9:25 am

Friday afternoon I was scheduled to see Megatron.
Megatron weighs 130 pounds and stands about 3 1/2 feet high at the shoulder. With his head straight up, Megatron reaches to my shoulder.
Megatron is a BIG dog.
Fortunately Megatron is also a placid, mostly laid back, mostly well mannered dog.

So I’m in the exam room with Megatron and I hear, with half an ear, the front door open and my next appointment walk in.

Spike *is* the biggest dog in the world.
At least according to him he is.

Door opens.
Door closes.

Mumbled voices with a continued background of “yaryaryaryaryaryaryaryar!”

I finish up with Megatron and head back to my hidey hole in the back, separated by two doors, to get Megatron invoiced.

Just enough barking from Spike to cover the amount of time it took for Megatron to walk from the exam room door into the lobby.
Just enough barking time for Spike, all seven pounds and six inches of him, to see the moving wall of dog flesh that was coming his way.

I was struck by the mental image of Megatron walking through the door into the lobby and seeing this hyperactive popcorn kernel on a leash bouncing around and, in the manner of a kitten playing with a bug, reaching out with a forefoot and squashing it flat.
My boss, who was sitting next to me and who is also familiar with Megatron and his placid ways, had much the same theme running through her mind, only her image played out as Megatron walking up to Spike and licking him in a nice friendly manner only realizing after he swallowed that Spike had gotten wrapped up in his tongue. Rather like a frog with a bug.

As I said, I could wish that every short man syndrome moment ended like that.
Andrew’s dude with the 9 mil on his hip? He steps out of the door of the pet store and gets smeared out of existence by an elephant stampede.
The jackass in the overpowered flash car that zips in and out of traffic? He meets a Sherman tank at high speed.
Kim Jong Il? Ah, for him something small and humble. Plague maybe. It would be fitting for an overwhelming narcissist to be taken out by something transmitted by a lowly flea.
The idiot frat boy in the 4WD pickup truck that passed us going west down Snoqualmie Pass at 50 odd MPH in a driving snowstorm? Well, I still think that the Great Hamster in the sky reached down and flicked that kid on the nose. SOMEone had enough of a sense of humor to leave the frat boy, backwards baseball cap, shorts, and all, completely intact and uninjured while his pickup was upside down in a ditch facing backwards UP the pass.

No matter how big and how powerful you are, there’s always something, even if its only your own hubris, that is going to take you out.

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