Lemme describe a scenario to y’all. I’m sure it will feel familiar to many of you.

So I’m driving south on Interstate 5, in the second-to-leftmost lane, doing about 65. Traffic’s moving a little faster than I want to, so I considerately move over one lane to the right. Within five minutes, a garbage truck is coming up fast on my tail, so I shift over yet another lane to the right. A semi that had previously been chugging along in the lane to my right suddenly cuts into my lane, close on my bumper, so I sigh and move left two slots, back into my original lane.

At this pont, I hit a long upward slope, eventually coming across the truck that forced me to move over in the first place, now lumbering along at a brisk 52 miles per hour. After a minute or so, I pull around him on the left and zoom ahead. Ten minutes later the same goddamn semi is crawling up my ass again.

The hell with it, I say to myself, and pull dejectedly over into the far right lane, thoroughfare of grandmas and golf carts.

Where I’m promptly overtaken by a big purple long-haul, who flashes his brights in my rear-view mirror.

I think it’s time to revive our country’s once-great rail system. That, or the renaissance of the cargo zeppelin.