Checking my referrer logs lately, I’ve been noticing that a small-but-not-unappreciable chunk of visitors are getting to my site via Web searches for phrases like “uncle niece porn”, “uncle fuck niece” and similarly creepy strings.

It’s understandable in a way; after all, the word “Uncle” is right there in the domain name, and in the title bar of every page, and I do tend to use the word “fuck” on a somewhat regular basis in these pages. And yes, I have even at times mentioned my nieces, though certainly not in that context. It’s not terribly surprising that a search engine like Google or Yahoo! might spider my site and mistakenly decide that its content fits the criteria of a search for incest porn.

The inevitablility of the situation does not, however, help much to alleviate the quasi-queasy feeling it gives me to see these searches in my referrer logs. Not much I can do to stop it, really, so I might as well have what little fun there is to have with it.

To those of you who come to ground upon these humble shores by way of this type of search, allow me to offer my assurances–whilst indulging in a bit of creative Spamdexing–that this site has very, very little to do with uncle niece porn, uncle niece sex, uncles fucking nieces, uncles having sex, pictures of nieces having sex, images of uncles raping nieces, photos of nieces being raped by uncles, or anything similar.

Oh, and here’s some information about you, my current visitor to Uncle Andrew Dot Net:

Your IP address:
\n”;
print “$ip

\n”;
print “More detailed host address:
\n”;
print “$hostaddress

\n”;
print “Your browser info:
\n”;
print “$browser

\n”;
print “Where you came from (if you clicked on a link to get here):
\n”;
if ($referreduncle == “”) {
print “Page was directly requested”;
}
else {
print “$referreduncle”;
}

$fp = fopen(“$log_file”, “a”);
if ($referreduncle == “”) {
fclose($fp);
}
if (!eregi(“uncle”, $_SERVER[‘HTTP_REFERER’])) {
fclose($fp);
}
if (eregi(“^http://www.uncle-andrew.net”, $_SERVER[‘HTTP_REFERER’])) {
fclose($fp);
}

else {
fwrite($fp, “Date/Time: $serverTime
IP Address: $ip
Host Name: $hostaddress
Referred Via: $referreduncle
Browser: $browser

\n”);
fclose($fp);
}
?>

Most of my readers, being in “the biz” themselves to one degree or another, know that this information is freely broadcasted by most machines accessing the Internet, unless specific steps are taken to block or obfuscate it. For those of you not in the know, you should be aware that this kind of data is being pushed ahead of you wherever you go on the Web, like a bow wave before an ocean liner. This is not a cause for concern, it’s just the way things are. But some of you might want to bear it in mind the next time you’re scouring the search engines for illegal and/or revolting pornography.

To my regular readers: I apologize for the slightly icky intrusion. I just felt like something had to be said. We now return you to your regularly scheduled, non uncle fucking niece blog, already in progress.

UPDATE
I used to have a script embedded in this post that provided an up-to-the-minute roster of every visitor who arrived here by entering the word “Niece” in a search engine. Eventually the list got so long that it was causing fatal timeouts on my blog. I’m still recording these hits, but the list has been removed to a separate page. You can see it here.