I am totally serious!

Filed under: @ 10:01 pm

I made a man think I was absolutely drooling batshit crazy today.

Dude calls, he’s concerned because they put up their Christmas tree last night and now they’re missing one of the light bulbs. They’re fairly sure the dog has eaten it.

No, it’s not really that strange an idea to contemplate. Dogs eat light bulbs, particularly during the holidays, all the time.

But the dude wanted my recommendations as to what to do. He wasn’t really concerned about the size of the bulb, it was one of the “twinkle light” sized bulbs, that is to say about 1/2 by 1 1/2cm, and he was fairly sure the dog could pass it on her own, but he was concerned because the bulb had four rather stiff wires at the base which could potentially get stuck in the dog’s stomach lining.

*hee hee!* 😆

I swear I’m serious.

I offered the standard recommendation — if he wanted to be sure the dog actually ate the bulb, he should come in and we could take an x-ray of her abdomen. The plastic bits wouldn’t show up on an x-ray, but the wire would show up nicely.
The other alternative, I told him, was to feed the dog 8-10 standard sized cotton balls mixed in milk or in canned dog food followed by 3 slices of cheap white bread thickly spread with cat hairball ointment.

It’s Andrew’s opinion that the dude was convinced that I was the night janitor and was just trying it on with him to see how ludicrous a suggestion I could get away with. And I’m sure the effect was emphasized by the fact that I’ve never met this particular client nor his dog.

I just wonder if he did what I recommended. 😀

3 Responses to “I am totally serious!”

  1. Valerie Says:

    Ha! Reminds me of the time the cat’s new mouse toy went missing at the exact time Czar started looking guilty. Dr. Ross advised Alan to get a syringe and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and get Czar to ingest it until he horfed up the cat toy. Czar, by the way, was not a fan of this plan. Alan was also convinced that Dr. Ross was having fun with him, but did it anyways. I will never forget the spectacle!

  2. Margaret Says:

    Dr. Ross advised Alan to get a syringe and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and get Czar to ingest it until he horfed up the cat toy.

    Yeah? How’d that go for you? (snicker snicker snicker)

    Hydrogen peroxide is one of the least ingestible substances on the face of the planet. Getting Czar to actually take enough to make him hack up a kitty toy…… (chuckle, snork, guffaw!)

    We’ve got a drug called apomorphine. It’s actually a relative of morphine and it makes dogs throw up everything but their toenails. But I have to admit, it is a lot of fun when they’ve eaten something they shouldn’t have.

  3. Valerie Says:

    Hey, it went great for me…I was the audience for that little performance. Getting the hydrogen peroxide into the dog was one thing. The really difficult thing was trying to follow the extremely dignified and stubborn dog around the backyard as he tried to find a private place to hork up all the foam. There’s Alan with a flashlight and a hose trailing a miserable Czar around the yard trying to look all casual and not at all like he was following him. Czar would glare at Alan suspiciously while Alan would turn to look the other way pretending he was just out for some air. Then Czar would barf up a pile and Alan would pounce on it with the hose and flashlight looking for the cat toy while the mortified dog slunk off to find another spot. Did I mention this was all happening after dark? Lather, rinse, and repeat. Alan finally retrieved the cat toy, dissected it, and found a couple of nasty long staples holding the whole thing together.

    And I did snicker–albeit very quietly–throughout the whole thing.

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