Um, Eew?

Uncle AndrewUncle Andrew
Filed under: @ 8:31 pm

I’m posting this entry from my suite at the beautiful Downtown Motel in Eugene Oregon, in my sixth glorious hour waiting for my GOD DAMN FUCKING SHIT ASS POOPY PANTS press check for our 2006 holiday brochure to commence. I picked this particular establishment in a misguided effort to save my company some money; never again. If I have to come down here again, I’m staying at the Waldorf Astoria. Yes, the one in Manhattan. They can fucking well fly me out to Eugene for the press check. Gawd, what a fleabag this place is. Want proof? Here ya go:


Yes Billy, that is indeed a coin-operated massage bed I’ll be sleeping on tonight. If I don’t kill myself falling asleep behind the wheel while driving the five hours home in the middle of the night, rather than sleep in this bed. Thank God I don’t have a UV flashlight on my keychain. Don’t laugh; I know people who do.

I didn’t know these things actually existed. I thought they were dreamt up by sitcom writers in the 70’s for use as props in episodes of Laverne & Shirley. Who knew they actually walked–well, shuddered–the Earth among us?

I’m being too hard on this place. It’s clean, it has free WiFi, and it costs 50 bucks a night. You get what you pay for. But next time, mark my words, I’m going for a two-star minimum.

3 Responses to “Um, Eew?”

  1. Gavin Says:

    Roo, if your company can’t afford a $200/night hotel for you, they can’t afford you. Don’t forget to have your blood drawn just to see if you came home with any new… organisms. Ick.

  2. Uncle Andrew Says:

    Oh, they can afford it; I just didn’t think I was going to actually have to sleep there, so I got the cheapest place I could find to put my feet up, watch some TV and surf the Web. My press check took place fourteen sod-pounding hours later than it was scheduled. I ended up not sleeping at all (bunch of high-school students rented some rooms and had an all-night party). I stayed up till my press check at 4:00am, then drove the 275 miles home, All told I was up for about 30 hours. Wahoo!

  3. Gavin Says:

    That explains the interest in energy drinks then doesn’t it.

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