Soft! In the distance! What is this I hear?

BLEAAARRRRGGGHHHH!

Sorry about that, I……oh Christ!

WHOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

Okay, this officially sucks balls.

I haven’t worn glasses full time since I was eight or so. That’s 36 years for those of you counting. You wanna know how long 36 years is to your eyeballs? A long, long, LONG time.
I’ve worn readers for 10 years or so. That is, ever since global warming started to make things smaller. But global warming has gotten to the point where, without my readers, I can’t see what I’m doing at work about 2/3 of the time. And the remaining 1/3 of my time at work is either spent taking my readers off, going to get my readers from my desk, or trying to remember which pocket I put them in last.
So a couple of weeks ago I went to the ophthalmologist (I can spell ophthalmologist correctly the first time, please note. That was one of the questions on our small animal ophtho final and if you didn’t get it right you automatically lost about half your test points.) to see if he could outfit me with glasses I didn’t have to take off and put back on all the damn time.
And the optometrist called yesterday to say my glasses were ready.
So this morning I walked up to the optometrist to pick up my glasses.
Now technically, they’re not bifocals. They’re progressives which, supposedly, are easier for those of us who are prone to motion sickness to adjust to.
Having just had to switch from my *brand new* glasses to my most current readers because the computer screen was so blurry I couldn’t see what I was typing, I would choose to debate that point, but I really have only owned the things for a little over an hour. I am going to have to give them more of a chance.

BLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!

That is, if I can find the Dramamine!