A Gift From The Gods

Uncle AndrewUncle Andrew
Filed under: @ 11:21 am

Oh sure, lots of people are aware of Prometheus, the Titan hero of Greek legend who stole fire from the gods and gave it to Man. Nice guy. Good heart. (And liver, if legend is to be believed.) You may also be aware of his brother Epimetheus, with whom Prometheus crafted the clay figures that were to become the human race. But, were you aware of the similarly benevolent actions of their younger brother, Proyoutheus?

Proyoutheus was hardly the overachiever his big brothers turned out to be. A tad of the hefty side, a little lazy, but a heart of gold. He was always a little jealous of his more-proactive older brothers. He saw the good works that Prometheus was up to on behalf of the poor mortals scuttling roachlike along the baseboards of Creation, and he wanted to contribute something to the effort. Unfortunately, Proyoutheus, in addition to being a bit stout and somewhat indolent, was also something of a coward. He was a passive, live-and-let-live kind of Titan; having seen what Zeus did to his sibling as punishment for his own philanthropy, Proyoutheus was sure he didn’t want to find out what the King of the Gods might have in store for him if he were to have the temerity to steal, say, electricity, or the science of antibiotics, or protocols for asynchronous packet transfer.

So, he decided to set his sights a little lower. He broke into a low-security facility on one of the less carefully monitored continents that was used to house some of the more minor—but nonetheless miraculous—celestial resources. He managed to secrete a small miracle on his person and smuggle it out of the warehouse, and he made it available to Man, auspiciously enough, right around Christmas.

The minor miracle that Proyoutheus gave to Man?

Candy Cane Roca.

6 Responses to “A Gift From The Gods”

  1. Shawn Says:

    A lovely holiday tale but not so amazing as OUR SAVIOR RETURNING!!!!! All Kneel down to the virgin child (or children)!

  2. Uncle Andrew Says:

    Oh, great: eight saviors, each up to ten feet long, with razor-sharp serrated teeth. Gloria Dei!

  3. Tony Lenzer Says:

    Candy Cane Roca Indeed! Andrew you are so bad….the Gods will surely Punish You (possibly by witholding your insulin supply!)

  4. Uncle Andrew Says:

    Oh, lighten up; it’s Christmas. Cut me a break, for Christ’s sake. 😀

  5. Michael Haring Says:

    Who needs candy cane roca when you can get fresh made mochi in Hilo from Two Ladies Kitchen….


    I’m coming back to O’ahu with plenty of fresh made strawberry mochi ((yum))!!

  6. Uncle Andrew Says:

    Hey, my Candy Cane Roca is made fresh by the elves at the Brown & Haley factory in Tacoma. If I wanted to make the trip, I could even buy a massive sack of slightly irregular Rocas at a bargain-basement price. Anyway, I was never a huuuuge fan of mochi, except in Mochi Crunch. 😉

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