First Law Of Advertising:

Uncle AndrewUncle Andrew
Filed under: @ 9:04 pm

When you come across a good thing, always drive it straight into the ground.

Okay, so everyone in the known universe—including a whole bunch of Internet pervos—is aware that I’ve confessed to having a bit of a thing (insert your own bitingly witty comment here [and then insert another one about my use of the term “insert” here]) for Erin Esurance, virtual Booth Babe for Esurance.com.

Well, that’s all over now; these days, I can’t even look her in the (ahem) eye.

Obviously, Esurance is highly aware of the effect their slinky spokescartoon has had on the testosterone-poisoned segment of the viewing populace. They’ve even gone so far as to post all of the Erin-related Esurance TV commercials, desktop wallpaper and even canyoubelieveit fan art on “her” Web site. You can bet they’ve been burning the midnight oil trying to figure out how to further exploit this resource.

Their tactic du jour? Pedo-phize her.


What can we do to keep people obsessed with our corporate mascot? Ooo oo, let’s raise the pitch of her voice half an octave! Give her the thighs of a seven year old, widening her already cavernous straddle even further!


Flatten out her skull a little, eliminating her high, intelligent forehead! Widen the space between her eyes to give her that underdeveloped, fresh-from-the-birth-canal look!

Erin is no longer the lithe, urbane insurance operative that first caught my eye. Instead, the demands of the marketplace have transformed her into a gawky, adolescent bubblehead wearing too much makeup. Throw in a backpack, and she’d look fully at home in the halls of just about any junior high school in the country.

Those demented krods at Esurance just had to take it a step too far. I can no longer enjoy even the slight demented thrill I used to get from these commercials. Now it leaves me feeling slimy and self-conscious, as though I’ve caught myself inadvertantly sneaking a look at a friend’s kid sister.

Britney Spears may grow into adulthood (well, physically, anyway) gaining pounds and wrinkles along with rug monkeys; Lindsey Lohan might tip over the edge of teenage-girl slimness into full-blown eating-disorder bag-of-antlerism; Hillary Duff may well—um—heck, what is Hillary Duff up to these days anyway?

But Erin can forever remain young, younger, entirely-too-young, pandering to baser and baser human impulses, so long as she serves her corporate masters’ evil purposes.

Oh, Erin, Erin, what have they done to you?

8 Responses to “First Law Of Advertising:”

  1. Gavin Says:

    You are correct, Erin is having identity issues and got some plastic surgery and a new hairdo. Compare this photo with the one at the top of your post and you can see she got her cheek bones and jaw done. Maybe even a breast reduction? Now why would you mess with perfection?

  2. Uncle Andrew Says:

    Gotta fix that second link, my man; currently it goes to Flickr’s login screen. I don’t think you made that last photo public or somethin’. Dunno, since I don’t use Flickr.

    Thanks for posting your comment, though; it gets kinda lonely out here sometimes. 😉

  3. Gavin Says:

    Here’s an even better comparison. Assuming the link works. Here’s another try at the perfect Erin image.

  4. Gavin Says:

    Grr, this should work

  5. Uncle Andrew Says:

    There ya go. Oh, image 359915185, my poor image 359915185….. 😀

  6. fisherbear Says:

    I seem to recall a commercial where she really was in some kind of Hello Kitty backpack. Granted, it had a parachute in it, but still…

  7. Gavin Says:

    Sorry, I forgot to include this fine shot
    And while I would love to think that was a Hello Kitty backpack, the subliminal message was: “p#$$y” Hmm, maybe that was just me… 😀

  8. Uncle Andrew Says:

    Sorry, I forgot to include this fine shot

    Yup, that’s the money shot all right. 😯

    And while I would love to think that was a Hello Kitty backpack, the subliminal message was: “p#$$y” Hmm, maybe that was just me…

    I’ts nice to know I’m not the only person who sees these things. I couldn’t get over the cute little kitty on her parachute pack. I wondered what what that might be about at the time, and now I think I agree with fisherbear; just another attempt to make her look really, really young. Yee-ipes.

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